Fair enough. You want pictures? I have a cameraphone. Let’s do this.
Here’s today’s offering in infestation. Not yesterday’s, mind you, not the day before’s, but today’s. I kind of threw up a bit in my mouth taking this picture.
Catching these fuckers is hard because it involves a lot of trial and error. You have to use a combination of methods. Turns out the phrase “build a better mousetrap” still has currency because the ones we have now pretty much suck. The traditional method is a joke. They swipe the cheese and laugh their filthy rabid asses off. (I swear I can hear them mocking me.) And it’s hard to know the effectiveness of poisoned bait because it takes a while for them to die and they usually croak elsewhere. So you can’t tell if it’s actually working. And even if it does work, you have the smell of decaying vermin all throughout the house.
I had to turn the box upside down to get a good camera angle. What you see here is an opened-ended box that’s layered inside with a super-sticky surface. If they’re moving fast enough, they can run right through it, But they love those little packages of bait. There’s some kind of pest-cocaine inside. The make a lot of eerie scratching noises trying to claw and bite the package open, and once they get inside they really go to town.
So the trick is to put the poisoned pest-cocaine inside the sticky-box. It’s expensive, but if they spend long enough on the adhesive, they’ll get caught. If it sounds like I’ve had hours and hours in the middle of the night to think about this, it’s because I have. The sounds they make can raise the hair on the back of your neck—especially at 4am when they’re reenacting that scene from Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade. You know the one.
ALSO: KevMo at Uptown Almanac blogged my plight. Apparently he got an email from the owner of Tokyo Go-Go who was, um, irate. So I gave him a call, left a message, then he called me back. What follows is a dramatic recreation of the conversation and is in no way a verbatim transcript:
generic: This is generic.
Sushi Boss: Hi, this is Sushi Boss.
generic: Oh. Hi.
Sushi Boss: Look, I’m really sorry this is happening to you, but you’re kind of screwing my business by telling everyone our restaurant is infested.
generic: That’s not what I wrote.
Sushi Boss: You said there are rats in my restaurant.
generic: Re-read the blog post. I said there are rats in the building. Know why I said that?
Sushi Boss: Why?
generic: Cause there are rats in the building. I live in the building; I have rats, ergo… And it’s been a longstanding problem, for several months, before I even moved in.
Sushi Boss: I guess I should talk to the landlord about fixing this.
generic: I guess you should.
I feel bad for him. But I’m not ordering the Unagi, youknowhatI’msayin?